Tuesday, July 08, 2008

-Will I be a let go-er one day?-

There was a time you loved,
There came a time you hated.
There was a time when you felt like you wanted to kill,
Now is the time for you to heal.
There was a time you were broken down,
Now is the time to build yourself up.
There was a time you were at war in your being,
Now is the time to restore the peace within.

- Biblical Passage


How true indeed, how very true. Like how the passage goes, I have indeed felt many of the various times that I loved and hated, how I had wanted to kill (myself at least), how I've been broken in the many ways that I could be. But I haven't been able to heal like the passage says I should. Sure, everyone says I should learn to let go and everything so I would be happier about life. Yeah, I know that as well, its not like I want to feel bad about life. But some people find it easy to let go and forget and stuff like that. Try as I might, I have realized that I'm not talented in that sense, or any sense anyway.

I haven't blogged for a long time, but its not like my imaginary non existent loyal readers would miss me. Or rather, its not like anyone would. But anyway, that's not really the point. Which brings me to my favourite question. "How's life?" I'm not gonna say it sucks lest the many many people who read my blog go "wah so emo again". Lol. Well life sucks. Despite having passed my driving finally and like how some people say, end my misery, there hasn't been much to celebrate about. I mean, 2 of the J.A.J.Ians are going in (btw, going in means NS, not jail, if somehow you don't know) this year. In fact, Jun has already been in there for like 3 weeks and Ivan is going in round September. What this would mean would be the end of my non existent social life. I mean, its not like I have many friends anyway, but they are the ones I go out with, have the most fun with, whine my head off at, the ones who prolly saved me from turning into a caveman who only stays at home. Without them, free time is going to be hard to bear, weekends are going to stink, shishaing and chilling sessions are going to be non existent. Bearing the risk of being labelled gay, I really have to admit that I'm gonna miss them alot. Lonely times I have gone through before but only because the occasional outings with them makes everything seem alright. Now, everything just seems not alright. Life is going to be different from now onwards I guess. Not that I can't deal with it, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna feel happy about it. I guess this already sucks so much that I don't really have to talk about school. But here goes anyway, just to make something that suck even worse. School's shitty, now I know what the senior year student syndrome feels like. You know the one where going to school is bloody important but you can't find a single ounce of energy to make that good?
Yeah that's the one. I've been skipping lectures at rates that never ever happened before and tutorials, tests, and projects seem to repel off my mind like insects to insect repellent. I remembered that I was still a little enthu about schoolwork and everything. Now, I feel lethargic to doing everything and anything. And i still have to get a fucking degree from a U after NS? Please make me die or let the world end before that, anyone? I intended to end this post with a fuck the world, fuck everything and everyone kinda conclusion as usual, but somehow, at this point in time, I can't even be bothered to do that already. And I still have NS to look forward to in like a year's time? WHAT THE FUCK!!! FUCK THIS AND END IT, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY?
Whatever, see you if I see you again my blog. (Meaning if I'm still alive and can be bothered to even rant at you instead of bottling it up and waiting for myself to explode. Good luck to me on that yeah.)


| wish i was dead @ 4:29 AM|

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Wednesday, July 02, 2008

-is this the end?-

it has been a good run my friend... maybe its time to end... if it does, i won't regret this journey... thank you...


| wish i was dead @ 8:15 AM|

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