There was a time you loved, There came a time you hated. There was a time when you felt like you wanted to kill, Now is the time for you to heal. There was a time you were broken down, Now is the time to build yourself up. There was a time you were at war in your being, Now is the time to restore the peace within.
- Biblical Passage
How true indeed, how very true. Like how the passage goes, I have indeed felt many of the various times that I loved and hated, how I had wanted to kill (myself at least), how I've been broken in the many ways that I could be. But I haven't been able to heal like the passage says I should. Sure, everyone says I should learn to let go and everything so I would be happier about life. Yeah, I know that as well, its not like I want to feel bad about life. But some people find it easy to let go and forget and stuff like that. Try as I might, I have realized that I'm not talented in that sense, or any sense anyway.
I haven't blogged for a long time, but its not like my imaginary non existent loyal readers would miss me. Or rather, its not like anyone would. But anyway, that's not really the point. Which brings me to my favourite question. "How's life?" I'm not gonna say it sucks lest the many many people who read my blog go "wah so emo again". Lol. Well life sucks. Despite having passed my driving finally and like how some people say, end my misery, there hasn't been much to celebrate about. I mean, 2 of the J.A.J.Ians are going in (btw, going in means NS, not jail, if somehow you don't know) this year. In fact, Jun has already been in there for like 3 weeks and Ivan is going in round September. What this would mean would be the end of my non existent social life. I mean, its not like I have many friends anyway, but they are the ones I go out with, have the most fun with, whine my head off at, the ones who prolly saved me from turning into a caveman who only stays at home. Without them, free time is going to be hard to bear, weekends are going to stink, shishaing and chilling sessions are going to be non existent. Bearing the risk of being labelled gay, I really have to admit that I'm gonna miss them alot. Lonely times I have gone through before but only because the occasional outings with them makes everything seem alright. Now, everything just seems not alright. Life is going to be different from now onwards I guess. Not that I can't deal with it, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna feel happy about it. I guess this already sucks so much that I don't really have to talk about school. But here goes anyway, just to make something that suck even worse. School's shitty, now I know what the senior year student syndrome feels like. You know the one where going to school is bloody important but you can't find a single ounce of energy to make that good? Yeah that's the one. I've been skipping lectures at rates that never ever happened before and tutorials, tests, and projects seem to repel off my mind like insects to insect repellent. I remembered that I was still a little enthu about schoolwork and everything. Now, I feel lethargic to doing everything and anything. And i still have to get a fucking degree from a U after NS? Please make me die or let the world end before that, anyone? I intended to end this post with a fuck the world, fuck everything and everyone kinda conclusion as usual, but somehow, at this point in time, I can't even be bothered to do that already. And I still have NS to look forward to in like a year's time? WHAT THE FUCK!!! FUCK THIS AND END IT, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY? Whatever, see you if I see you again my blog. (Meaning if I'm still alive and can be bothered to even rant at you instead of bottling it up and waiting for myself to explode. Good luck to me on that yeah.)
| wish i was dead @ 4:29 AM|
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Wednesday, July 02, 2008
-is this the end?-
it has been a good run my friend... maybe its time to end... if it does, i won't regret this journey... thank you...
| wish i was dead @ 8:15 AM|
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Thursday, June 26, 2008
-The square root of 3...-
Harold and Kumar was a pretty funny movie, yet at the same time, thought provoking in some sense. Anyway, this geeky poem for the arithmetic fanatic came from the movie i guess. Really caught me for some reason.
Here goes...
I’m sure that I will always be A lonely number like root three
The three is all that’s good and right, Why must my three keep out of sight Beneath the vicious square root sign, I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick, with just some quick arithmetic
I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321 Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see, Another square root of a three
As quietly co-waltzing by, Together now we multiply To form a number we prefer, Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds With the wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued Your love for me has been renewed.
| wish i was dead @ 4:30 AM|
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Saturday, February 23, 2008
-Eduardo's Injury Footage-
| wish i was dead @ 11:04 PM|
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-Get well soon, Eduardo...-
I sincerely appeal to all readers of this blog to pray for the Arsenal Football Club player, Eduardo Da Silva, who suffered an horrendous injury after a tackle by another player, Martin Taylor. Though I may not be an Arsenal fan, such events are bad for all professionals, amateur and leisure players and also for the overall world of football and the genuine fans who love the game for its good. I pray and wish Mr Eduardo a speedy recovery and hope to see him play again. For all of you who wish to, let the comment board of this blog be a venue for blessings, prayers and well wishes.
| wish i was dead @ 10:48 PM|
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Friday, February 22, 2008
-I will follow you into the dark...-
Love of mine some day you will die, But I'll be close behind. I'll follow you into the dark.
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white; Just our hands clasped so tight, Waiting for the hint of a spark.
If heaven and hell decide, That they both are satisfied, Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs:
If there's no one beside you, When your soul embarks; Then I'll follow you into the dark.
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule, I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black, And I held my tongue as she told me, "Son, fear is the heart of love." So I never went back.
If heaven and hell decide, That they both are satisfied, Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs:
If there's no one beside you, When your soul embarks; Then I'll follow you into the dark.
You and me have seen everything to see; From Bangkok to Calgary. And the soles of your shoes are all worn down; The time for sleep is now. It's nothing to cry about, 'Cause we'll hold each other soon. The blackest of rooms.
If heaven and hell decide, That they both are satisfied, Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs:
If there's no one beside you, When your soul embarks; Then I'll follow you into the dark.
| wish i was dead @ 8:12 PM|
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Monday, September 24, 2007
-don't matter-
it doesn't matter how long or how hard you've tried to prepare for anything...... you just need one second to fuck it up......
| wish i was dead @ 7:58 PM|
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who i am
if you don't already know who i am, that's very good...... don't bother to find out...... cause i fuck up my life and the lives of those who are involved with me...... maybe some who have already experienced it may be regretting it now...... i don't know...... so stay away unless you think I'm worth it...... but i doubt you would...... cause even i don't find it worthy myself......
what this is
this is a place for me to whine and grumble about my life...... everyone has a right to do this...... if you don't like it, you can just fuck off......
